Sizzle The Burn
by yellowmile
Summary: Their forever wasn't the ordinary kind.


**It took me almost 24 hours to finish this and is also the longest thing I've ever written. I really hope you guys enjoy this. Let me know!**

**Warnings: Language, sexual content.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sizzle The Burn<span>**

**.  
><strong>

"I can't do this anymore."

He feels a stab to his heart and his whole body freezes in attempt to pause the world. Because maybe, just maybe, the words that escaped Clare's mouth was just his imagination and paranoia was starting to overtake his perception. But, unfortunately, that isn't the case because Clare is standing in front of him, her mouth set in a thin line, eyes dead set and determined, and stance confident.

No, he wasn't hearing things.

"Why?" he chokes out, desperately trying to reach out to her.

Clare's expression softens a little to Eli's relief, but the dread was still fresh in his stomach.

"All of 'this' between us," she gestures her hand between her and Eli. "Its becoming too much for me, Eli. I'm only 17. You're taking things too fast."

Eli couldn't believe his ears. Just a few days ago, Clare was gently propped in his lap under their favourite tree while he would read to her. She always liked it when he read to her. It was something he found fascinating in their early stages of their relationship.

Two years ago.

"I don't understand," Eli shakes his head in confusion and trying to vanish the anguish that is happening at the moment. "What did I do wrong?"

Clare sighs and bits her bottom lip. A nervous habit of hers' that Eli picked up.

"I thought I was ready for you, Eli. To spend forever with you like we promised, but I can't do it anymore. I feel trapped. I'm all mixed up and I don't think I should be around you anymore," she spurred frantically before looking away.

"I understand," Eli nods quickly. "You want a break. I can give you space-"

"No!" Clare shakes her head vigorously. "I don't want to be with you anymore."

Eli mindlessly stares off at her ring-less finger and can feel a small pit of self-hatred boil inside of him.

"Is it because of what happened?" he asks slowly and Clare stiffens. "I didn't want to hurt you, Clare. I am so sorry."

His whole body shakes in pain when she starts to cry. He hates it when she cries. Ever since the day when he chased after out of the friendship club with tears in her eyes, he promised to always hold her when she cried.

But now, he can't. And it's killing him.

"You didn't hurt me, Eli. I made the choice to do it," Clare mumbles, wiping her tears away.

"Then why are you doing this!" Eli cries.

"We are not meant to be together!" Clare yells shrilly before regaining her composure. "I'm sorry. Okay, but I can't."

Eli watches as she walks out of the door and out of his life.

For good.

**xXx  
><strong>

Its 3:00 in the morning and it reeks in his bedroom.

Eli sits up in his bed and looks disgusted at the naked woman beside him. Some random chick he picked up from the bar just mere hours before. He gets out of bed and takes a shower before getting ready for work.

"You better be gone when I get back," he threatens in a raspy voice to the sleeping woman before leaving his apartment.

The video store is dead when he arrives, the sky is still black and the street lights are still shining brightly in their artificial glory. Eli doesn't understand why the place opens this early; no one comes in until after 10.

He figures he could squeeze in a small nap before his manager comes in. So he rests his head on the glass counter and closes his eyes in a dreamless slumber.

"HELLO!"

Eli lifts his head up quickly and almost falls down from the head rush it caused. Adam and Imogen are standing on the other side of the counter, huge smiles on their faces. Adam is holding a paper bag in his hand and Eli can only imagine what food is held inside it.

"Fuck you," Eli says sleepily before grabbing the paper bag and emptying its contents on the counter.

A breakfast sandwich with a pack of cigarettes. Just the way he likes it.

"Wow, I see you're in a good mood this morning. Just like _every _morning," Adam says sarcastically.

"What are you talking about? I'm Ms-fucking-sunshine," Eli smiles sardonically before stuffing his face.

"We can see that," Imogen pipes. "And apparently your appetite is still the same as well."

"I don't know why you two still come here," Eli muses grumpily. "It's pointless."

It was true. No matter how isolated or pissed off Eli was, Adam and Imogen were always there every morning to bring him food. Eli felt bad in a way. Adam has been his best friend for years and still comes by his side. He met Imogen a year ago when she first started dating Adam but instantly came to Eli's aid as well. He wanted to tell them to leave him alone because he'll always be this miserable. Another part of him wanted to tell them he was grateful, but he was too bitter to do so.

"Why don't we go out later tonight?" Adam suggests, ignoring Eli's scowl. "You know, to get your mind off things…"

"I think that's a great idea, Adam Torres!" Imogen kisses his cheek. "What do you say, Eli?"

"I say, you two should leave. Customers are starting to come in," he crushes the paper bag and pockets his cigarettes, trying to avoid Adam and Imogen's disappointed faces.

"Imo, can you give Eli and I a second?" Adam addresses towards Imogen and she nods before leaving the store. Adam turns back to Eli with a frown. "Dude, you need to let it go."

Eli tries to hide the small jab to his stomach and proceeds to take down a few stacks of DVDs from the shelf behind him.

"It's been 4 years, Eli. Don't you think it's time to move on," Adam continues. "Be happy?"

"_Leave._"

Eli doesn't turn around when he hears Adam sigh and leave the store. He lets out a deep breath when he knows he's clear before turning back around and greeting a customer.

**xXx  
><strong>

He walks down the street one day, cigarette in hand, a daily thing he does to clear his cluttered mind. The walk helps and relaxes him, but in no way makes the pain go away.

Especially today.

He halts in his tracks when her familiar cinnamon coloured curls come into his view. His heart stops when he takes in her crystal blue eyes. And his head pounds when he notices this is not a dream and really real.

He quickly walks down the street. He doesn't want her to recognize him. However, he doesn't see how she actually could. He wears the same grungy, black jacket and has his hair always disarrayed. He could probably be mistaken for a hobo, to be honest. There was no way for her to-

"Eli Goldsworthy!"

Her soft voice rings through his ears and it felt like just yesterday, she used the same voice that whispered the words, "I love you" to him. He slowly turns around to see her running across the street over to him, a floral dress adorning her figure with her signature denim jacket. He always loved it when she wore that jacket.

"Hey," he puts the cigarette to his lips and pulls in a long drag, before puffing it out slowly.

Clare stops in front of him and slightly looks surprised as she takes in the cigarette but soon puts a smile on her face.

"It's been so long-"

"4 years," Eli interrupts monotonously.

He always imagined a reunion with Clare. He imagined swooping her off her feet and kissing her with all the force he could muster and begging her to stay with him forever.

But he didn't feel that way at the moment.

He only felt that familiar ache in his heart every time he thought about her of if someone said her name.

"Yeah…."Clare smiles nervously. "I was just visiting my parents for the week, they stressed the fact I haven't seem them in forever."

Clare seems so at ease and Eli just wants to walk away. But he doesn't, because he hasn't spoken to her in 4 years and this will probably be the closest he'll ever get to her again.

"Oh….how's school going?" Eli asked, dropping the cigarette to the ground before crushing it with his boot.

Eli knew from Adam that Clare was given a scholarship to New York for journalism 3 years ago. He remembered she always wanted to be a journalist.

Clare's face lit up before a radiant smile forms her lips. "Its going amazing! Everything I ever dreamed of."

"Why are you here?" Eli abruptly says.

Clare looked taken aback, confusion displayed on her face. "I told you, my parents-"

"_No_, why did you stop to talk to me? What is the point to it?" he didn't care if he sounded too harsh or cold. He was pissed off that she was here even if he imagined her to come back for as long as he could remember.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing…." she says quietly.

"How I'm doing?" Eli laughs crudely and notices Clare flinch. "I'm doing fucking fantastic! I live in a ratty old apartment building with no electricity. But that's okay. I work seven days a week at a stupid video store that pays minimum wage. But that's okay. Only two people actually give a shit about me. Again, that's okay too. But what's not okay, is you coming here and speaking to me like we're old friends and nothing is wrong. I want you out of my face!"

Clare stares at him in astonishment but Eli doesn't care. He's fuming and tired and aching. He wants her to go away. But he makes the move instead.

"Eli! Wait!"

He hears her running after him but he keeps walking, until her arm grabs him to turn him around. He's up close to her now, he can feel her panting breath fanning over him and see her crystal blue orbs in detail. Just the way he liked it.

"I didn't want to make this harder for you because I thought it would be less awkward," Clare starts. "But it seems you're still upset over this and I'm sorry…"

"_Still upset?_" Eli rips his arm out of her grasp. "I can't sleep at night because that day still haunts me. And I hate myself for it. You put me through all this shit and you come back dangling your dream career as if it were a slap to the face and what we had was non existent. I'm not _upset_, Clare Edwards. I AM FUCKED. Nothing will go well again and its all your fault! I HATE YOU. _I HATE YOU_. _**I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.**_

People near them stop and gawk from Eli's explosion, and everyone seems scared or frightened.

Except Clare Edwards.

He's breathing heavily and she's looking at him with wide, blinking eyes. Eli doesn't feel anything at the moment except that the aching lifted a little. It was still there, still raw and fresh, but some of it was less painful.

But nothing can describe in words how he feels when she leans up and starts to kiss him.

.

It was happening so fast.

Their lips are attached when they enter the house and Eli wastes no time in taking her jacket off. He shouldn't be doing this with her. It was wrong and disastrous on so many levels, and can cause worse outcomes later on, but being able to kiss her soft and delicate lips and hold her once more, threw away all rational thoughts in his mind.

Eli breaks the kiss when Clare throws his jacket on the floor. "Where's your parents?"

"Meeting for the day. Won't be back 'till tonight," she responds breathily before capturing his lips once more.

He groans when she bites his bottom lip and clutches her waist, pressing her body to his. She pushes him on top of the steps and grinds her hips against him while running her hands down the front of his shirt. He lifts his hips up to hers in return and she moans in his mouth.

He starts crawling up the steps with her following, their lips still fused tightly together, and hands still wandering sensually. They reach the top of the stairs and Eli grabs Clare's waist before hastily pulling them up to their feet. He pushes her in a bedroom and presses her back against the door before lifting her legs and wrapping them around his waist.

He needs to stop. He has to. This isn't right. No matter how good it feels to have her this close to him or how much he wishes for this to happen everyday.

But he _can't _stop.

Because not before long, they're both naked on her bed and he's pressed up against her, breathing in her ear. He makes sure she's comfortable before sliding into her and both of them let out a sharp cry.

She hasn't had sex in awhile. Eli can tell when he thrusts in and out of her. He feels some relief in a way, because maybe, she didn't have many boyfriends. Maybe she didn't have any at all.

Her moans urge him to go faster and his whole body is on the verge of letting go. Clare tightly clings to him as she releases and lets out a scream in sheer ecstasy. He comes shortly after, lifting his head and feeling his whole body set on fire, settling down to a small sizzle.

They fall sleep in each other's arms but Eli wakes up not too long after.

He realizes what he's done before he hurriedly gets ready and tries not to wake her up. When he's fully clothed, he takes in her full body before leaning down close to her ear.

"I'm sorry," he says before leaving her bedroom and out of her life.

For good.

**xXx  
><strong>

"What is with you lately?"

Eli gives Adam a blunt look. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Adam shrugged. "You seem less pissed and more…. glum?"

Eli lifts his shoulders defensively as if Adam offended him before taking a drag from his cigarette. He feels the smoke invades his lungs and smiles at the familiar burning it causes.

"You're over analyzing shit that isn't even there," Eli states calmly.

Its been two weeks since he saw Clare and he agreed to himself that he wasn't going to tell anyone. It caused enough damage then he thought it would, he didn't need to bring Adam into this. Or anyone else for that matter.

It was a mistake and he was paying for it.

Everyday, it hurts ten times worse now to think about her because he felt her again. He was in her presence and was able to touch her, kiss her, hold her. It was an addiction he was forced to quit much too early long ago. But when he had that on moment of pure ecstasy with her again, it now makes it harder to live on without her.

Oh yes. He was definitely paying for it.

"Don't lie to me," Adam punched Eli's shoulder roughly. "I'm not fucking stupid. You're hiding something."

Eli flicks his cigarette on the road before leaning against the cement wall.

"Clare visited her parents a couple of weeks ago," he blurts, scratching the back of his head.

"_What?_"

Eli winces when he feels a blow to his head. "What the fuck!"

"Are you that stupid! Why, _why _did you have to see her? Why, Eli?" Adam demands in a concerned voice.

"I didn't see her!" Eli snapped. "She came to me."

Adam throws his hands in the air before walking around hastily. "Like that makes it better! Please, tell me nothing happened."

Eli stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You could say that."

Adam stops and looks at Eli. A long hard look before his eyes scrunch together in away that shows Eli, Adam has figured out something.

"Really, Eli?" Adam asks incredulously. "You made things worse. I hope you realize that."

"_I do_," Eli says through gritted teeth. "I fucked up big time, okay? I always do."

Adam shakes his head. "You can change that, Eli. She doesn't have to take over your life forever."

It was hard to hear his best friend say those words. But Adam was right. Clare didn't want forever with Eli. Why should he still live by that promise if it was one-sided?

"You're right," Eli says. "She doesn't."

**xXx  
><strong>

"Happy birthday, Eli!"

Eli smiles before blowing out(all 25)candles that Imogen specifically picked out for his liking. Everyone in the apartment cheered and hollered before clapping and congratulating him. Adam patted Eli on the shoulder, grinning ear-to-ear at the sight of his best friend finally happy and _alive_.

People soon mingled as Adam starts to cut some cake and Imogen runs over to them with a party hat on her head while clapping loudly.

"Did I do a good job, Eli Goldsworthy?" she asks energetically, brown eyes up close to Eli's face.

"Yes, Imogen. You did. Thank you," he gives her a hug.

Even though Eli hated birthdays since he was little, he genuinely appreciated and liked this one. Ever since he went back to school and rented a new apartment, Eli felt himself changing for the better, and he couldn't be happier then having his two best friends by his side.

"Alright! I forgot to tell you, I have a guest coming over," Imogen looks between Adam and Eli enthusiastically. "Is that okay?"

Eli notices Adam was about t o protest but Eli cut him off. "Not a problem. The more the merrier, right?"

Imogen's face lit up like a childs' on Christmas morning. "Right!"

Adam and Eli both laugh when Imogen skips away happily.

"Does the birthday boy want some cake?" Adam teases, pressing the plate of chocolate cake to Eli's nose.

"No thanks," Eli says, pushing the plate away. "You know I like to eat cake by myself."

"For reasons I'll never understand," Adam mumbles before smirking.

Eli smirks in response before picking up his beer and taking a sip.

Imogen soon comes back, holding someone's hand, whose appearance is blocked by the many crowds of people. Eli turns pale when he sees the person belonging to that hand. He turns even more pale(if that's even possible)when he sees whose arm is wrapped around her.

"Dude," Adam says in astonishment.

"Fuck," Eli mutters to himself, clenching his fists tightly to his sides.

"Eli Goldsworthy, I would like you to meet-"

"Clare Edwards. Fitzgerald," he interrupts swiftly, tensing as each moment passes.

Clare looks uncomfortable but Fitz seems smug and conniving. He wraps his left arm around Clare's shoulder, and makes it bluntly obvious of the golden band on his third ring finger.

All the progress and happiness vanished in that moment, and Eli was feeling that familiar ache in his stomach that hasn't been there in years. He was livid and hurt. He wants to cry. He wants to punch something. Preferably Mark, but he doesn't move.

Imogen looks confused. "Eli, you know Clare Edwards and Mark Fitzgerald?"

"We have some_ history_," Fitz grins. "Isn't that right, Eli?"

"Mark, _stop it_," Clare nudges him and pulls away from his hold. "Happy birthday, Eli."

Eli is flabbergasted when Clare calls him _Mark. _Everything is making him feel sick and he just wants to leave this place and have a cigarette. Which he can't do, because it would ruin his streak of quitting 8 months ago.

"Clare, it's good to see you," Adam puts on a smile as he gives Clare a hug.

"It's good to see you too," she smiles happily as she hugs him back. "I didn't know you were dating Imogen."

"Yeah, well she's something special," Adam smiles lovingly as he pulls Imogen towards him. Imogen giggles as she buries her head in his shoulder. "It's a surprise that you're _married_ to…Fitz."

Adam's voice is flat when he says the name and Eli just stays frozen. Eli and Adam hated Fitz since high school. He was the notorious bully of the school that always picked on Eli fore being 'weird' and Adam being a transgender. Clare disliked Fitz as well, but not as much as the boys. But still, Eli never thought, not even in a million years, that she would end up with _him._

"I prefer Mark, Adam," he says in a calm voice.

"I have to go," Eli announces, grabbing his jacket. "I need a little fresh air."

No one stops him when walks out of the apartment.

.

He cleans up the rest of his apartment, thankful that everyone has left. Adam and Imogen insisted on staying to help, but he just wanted to be alone.

He had to get through this.

The door knocks and he curses as he walks over to he door to expect Adam. But instead, it's _her. _She's here. By herself.

"What are you doing here?" Eli asks.

"I knew this party was for you," she says. "I came because I knew it was."

Eli didn't know how to respond. He felt numb all of the sudden and wanted to give up.

"And how was your time?" he asks sarcastically, walking away but leaving the door open. "Did you enjoy coming here with your nicely assembled _husband_?"

The word feels like venom in his tongue and quickly causes an awful taste in his mouth. Clare walks in the apartment before closing the door and slowly walks over to him.

"You left," she says quietly. "You left and I never saw you again."

"That's because it was a mistake!" he yells angrily. "It made everything worse! You should know that."

"I waited for you to come back," she continues, ignoring him. "That day replays in my mind everyday. I thought you still loved me."

"Don't you use that bullshit with me!" he explodes. "GET OUT!"

"YOU NEVER CAME BACK!" she screams. "YOU ERASED ME FROM YOUR MEMORY? DID YOU_ EVER LOVE _ME AT ALL!"

That was the last straw.

Eli pushes Clare roughly against the nearest wall, his hands flat against it, on either side of her head. They both breath heavily as they stare down into each others eyes.

He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know anything anymore.

He slams his lips down to hers and immediately Clare wraps her arms around him. He blindly walks them to his bed and pushes her down before yanking her jacket off and ripping her blouse opened. He harshly sucks on her exposed skin and runs his hands down her sides as she runs her hands through his hair.

He unclasps her bra and envelopes his mouth around her nipple before sucking on it. Hard. She lets out a loud moan and pushes herself into him as he continues to work on her breast. She tugs on his shirt and pulls it over his head before pushing him down on the bed and straddling his lap.

Eli looks up at her and doesn't really know what he's feeling at the moment.

His thoughts dissolved when she unbuckles his belt and lifts herself to take down his pants. He groans loudly when she starts to stroke him and he grabs her waist to leverage the pleasure coursing through his veins. Clare unzips her skirt and takes it off before throwing it away.

She rubs herself against him and they both gasp at the friction it causes. They hurriedly remove the rest of their clothing and Clare places her hands on Eli's chest before plopping herself down on him. She throws her head back and moans, lifting herself up before plopping herself back down again.

They move fast and frenzied. All Eli sees is Clare. He watches in detail with every move she makes. The way her mouth is slightly parted, her eyes squeezed shut, her hair tousled, her skin glistened with sweat.

She was still beautiful.

She opens her eyes when they they're close to finishing. She digs her nails into his skin and he rubs her clit before they both let go together, resulting in Clare collapsing beside him, both trying to steady their breath.

Sleep took over them in a matter of minutes.

He opens his eyes hours later, and takes note of Clare still in his arms. Her face is buried in his chest and he can feel her soft breathing humming in sync with his heart beat.

"Are you going to leave this time?" he asks.

"I don't know," she responds, lifting her head to meet his eyes.

He lets go of her and looks up at the ceiling. "We can't do this anymore."

"Do you still love me?"

He doesn't respond. She gets out of the bed afterwards, gets dress and leaves his apartment.

He doesn't know whether it's for good or not.

**xXx  
><strong>

"I love you."

Eli can't look at her when she says the words.

"You don't have the right to say those words to me anymore," he mumbles.

Clare wraps her arm around his chest and he can see from the corner of his eye that she was starting at him. He had to stop doing this. It's been three years for fuck sakes!

His life was stuck in a slump every time he crawled back to her. He knew it. She knew it.

But that didn't stop him.

"But I do," she insists. "You know I do."

"Why do you keep coming back?" he asks abruptly, like he does every time they get together. "_You_ broke up with _me_. Or do you not remember that?"

Eli expected her to change the subject or to leave just like she does every time.

"I was scared," she admits and Eli looks down at her.

She looked so fragile and vulnerable. Even if she caused him so much pain, he always saw her as an angel.

"You were scared of what? Me?" he says incredulously.

"Everything. We promised forever. I was afraid we would grow tired of each other and break it off when it became much worse later on," she says. "But I can't stay away from you, Eli."

"It was already much worse at the time you broke it off," Eli says bitterly. "I don't understand you."

"You don't have to," she shrugs. "I know you can't stay away from me either."

"And what makes you think that?" he snapped, sitting up in the bed hastily.

"Every time you're with me, I tell you how much I love you. You never say it back, but I know you do."

"You don't know _anything_," he clips in a harsh tone.

"Then tell me right now that you don't love me," she grabs his face to make him look her dead in the eyes. "_Tell me._"

Eli's lips part and he desperately wants to say it. Because that would be it. She would be out of his life forever. No more pain. No more misery. It would be for the better. But when he looks in the same eyes of the woman he was very much still in love with, he knows he can't.

"I…," he takes in a deep breath. "I think you should leave."

Clare presses her forehead against Eli's before bringing his lips to sweet and passionate kiss. He responds to the kiss before slowly pulling away. She gives him a smile and he watches her as she get dressed.

When she reaches the door, she turns around and gives him a tender look.

"We'll always have forever, right?"

"Right."

This was their forever.


End file.
